Is Your Child Jealous

Toddlers and preschoolers believe they should get undivided attention whenever they order it because they live at the centre of their universe. This self centered view of life is the source of sibling rivalry and jealousy. When the attention they demand isn’t there because it’s being given to a new baby, another sibling, or even a spouse, preschoolers often morph into green eyed monsters. Smitten with jealousy, they sulk, sabotage, scream, or solicit more attention by hitting their siblings, breaking toys, throwing tantrums, and so on. Justified or not, your child’s jealousy can tear your heart out. Interpret his/her jealous behavior as a teachable moment by giving him/her both the attention she needs and the opportunity to be helpful.
Following are the preventions for this problem:
• Always keep your child involved in the activities. If your preschooler becomes jealous while you are hugging your hubby, a bigger hug to include him/her can put the wind back into his/her sails.
• When your child accepts your attention being directed elsewhere, point out her willingness to share by saying, “that was so nice of you to share me with the baby. Thanks for being generous.”
• Help your child feel special. To keep the green eyed monster at bay, allows an older sibling to help open the baby’s gift and show them to the baby. Encouraging friends and relatives to bring gifts for both children helps keep the older child feeling special.
• Don’t compare your child to siblings or others. To children, that translates into not being a lovable as other family members, who is a sure fire way to stir up the green eyed monster.
• When your child gets out of sorts because she wants your undivided attention, punishing him/her for being upset will only increase his/her sense of alienation. Instead show him/her how he/she can better cope without getting the attention he/she wants when she wants it.    
Solving the problem:
• When jealousy flares, tell your child you understand how he/she feels by saying “I know you don’t like it when I have to take care of the baby, but I think you can handle it. After you play with your building blocks until I am through, then I’ll play with you.”
• Understand that your child gets jealous because he/she feels left out when you and your spouse want sometime together. Give your child something constructive to do until you are ready to give her your undivided attention.
• To a child, love is spelled T-I-M-E. Consider how much time you spend with your child reading stories, answering questions, sharing meals, playing games and so on. When your child feels secured in your love, his/her jealousy meter stays low because she knows she’s your number one priority. Strengthen your bond with each of your children by making special play dates for just the two of you so each child feels valued and important.
 
A young child wants his/her world to exist for him/her alone, but he/she also wants to be independent. He/She needs to learn that independence comes at a price: he/she has to give up having her parents’ undivided attention to gain a sense of control and self determination. By teaching toddlers and preschoolers to be helpful towards siblings and others when feeling let-out and jealous, you are helping them turn negative behavior into something positive and praiseworthy.