What’s the key? It’s simple and not what you think. Want to know the secret all super close couples share? It’s not anything to do with sex. Their secret is that they’ve figured out how to be kind to each other. That’s right because kindness, as in tenderness, thoughtfulness, niceness, and all those gentle and greatly underrated qualities. It’s the little moments of reaching out to each other that keep the relationship going. We all are kind to our spouses. But the happiest couples manage to do it effortlessly and frequently, even on the days they can’t stand each other. What these couples understand is there’s karma to kindness: One small sweet gesture inspires reciprocal acts of goodwill. By tuning up your marriage with these tips:

1. Touch-Outside the bedroom: Sometimes the kindest gesture is a simple touch. That hand on his knee at a dinner party when you know he’s beyond bored. That hug of encouragement he gives you when you’re heading off to a job interview. Why is that skin to skin-to-skin sensation so powerful? When you touch, your bodies produce the hormone oxytocin, which creates a feeling of serenity. Physically and chemically, it bonds you and makes you feel closer. This probably seems like no-brainer. But in the blur of our hectic lives, we can go hours, even days, without touching our spouses.

2. Remember the Rituals: The more you build small kindness into your routine, the easier it will be to rely on them as a source of strength in your relationship. Before the start of every week, a public relations director, her husband washes her car and fills petrol while she gathers the things he’ll need to get out of the door on Monday (keys, wallets, and briefcase).
Forget grand gestures: Think little, personal and sweet. It’s a great feeling to know that we’re in it together.

3. Learn from Kindergarten:  It turns out all that stuff you learned in kindergarten-listen; don’t interrupt; say “please,” “thank you” and “I’ am sorry”-applies equally well to marriage. “It’s so easy when you’re living with someone to let good manners go out of the window.” “But saying ‘thank you’ when he gets you a glass of water, or ‘sorry’ when you lose your temper, is such an effortless way to show your respect each other.”
When my husband mows the lawn at home, I thank him. When he asks me to clean the car, he says “please”! It’s also a matter of dropping impolite habits.

4. Let Compliments Fly:  “I make it a point not to keep nice thoughts about my husband to myself.” “When I tell him he looks great, he lights up like a Christmas tree.” Even basic stuff, like “Nice shirt” can make a person’s day. Think about it: who else does he or she hear that from? Why are compliments so key? “We live in a competitive world, and we’re often hard on ourselves.” A reminder that we are clever, good looking or fun-from the person whose opinion we value most-can is all we need to get over self-doubt.

5. Think random acts of kindness: Yes we are talking about those spontaneous gestures that remind you of how much fun it is being with your partner. Like you can surprise your wife by going in her office and ask her for lunch as you know she loves to whisk away from work. Or you can do a surprise favor. It’s harder of course, to do that tiny sweet something when you’re both in desperate need of tender loving care. But that’s when a nice act has the biggest ripple effect.

Because you know if you believed in him, he feels confident. And during some bad phase of life, this can make you optimistic towards your life, because you are together. And that means a lot. That also comes handy during many other difficult times.
                                                         
   
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