Navigating your way through an adult relationship with your mother is tricky because most of us have maternal issues more complicated than a spider’s web. But whether your mom is hard to please or needier than your kids, here’s how to create a happier, healthier bond:

When your mom is over-critical: For instance, if your mom finds your clothes too dull or too gaudy, or she doesn’t like your any of friends, and she’s very resentful of the fact that you think they are more important than extended family. Having a critical mother, like this is not only distressing, but can end up permanently damaging a mother-daughter relationship. This is unsurprising if the only communication you have is a constant flow of criticism and rebuttal. Eventually, there no talking, just two people stuck in opposite corners.

How to make it better? Maternal criticism often occurs when mothers have trouble seeing their daughters as individuals who make different life choices. The key to dealing with this is never to assume that she’s right and you’re wrong. To avoid feeling by her feedback, an expert suggests setting clear boundaries. Explain that her criticism can be hurtful.

When your mom is competitive: Mothers who are competitive tend to feel they’re being supportive by showing they are in the same boat, but most daughters would prefer it if their mothers were on the shoreline. The real problem isn’t the competition, but the feeling that she’s too absorbed in herself to support you. It’s often to do with how you viewed your mum when you were growing up. If you saw her as superwoman and put her on a pedestal, you probably don’t want to know she’s suffering like you do, which is why it can help to acknowledge your mother as a real person, by listening to her for a change.

How to make it better? It’s worth remembering that your mum’s competitiveness could be a result of loneliness. Or may be she’s a bit jealous of your lifestyle and some of the things you’ve achieved. So listening to her not only helps create a deeper and more satisfying relationship, but also helps erase the competitiveness, as neither of you ends up feeling misunderstood or ignored.

When your mom is interfering: Sometimes mothers manage to be both interfering and childish at the same time. If your mom can’t stop interfering, it’s likely she’d suffering from mother-knows best syndrome.

How to make it better? To stop the conflict, you need to regain your power. The way to do this is to realize that her interference isn’t actually about your decisions but her attitude, which means you’re entitled to say how you feel when she crosses the line. However, when setting boundaries, tact is essential as it pays to preserve the positive side of your relationship. After all, most mothers are interfering not because they want to make you miserable, but because they want the best for you.

When mom treats you like a child: Mothers who over parent tend to have parent issues. If you’re still rebelling like a teenager, it’s time to call a truce.

How to make it better? To get your mum to take yo seriously, confront issues in an adult way. Explain the problems and propose solutions, remembering that clashes over life styles are solved not by proving her wrong but by showing her why you’re taking a different path. Mothers who won’t let go tend to hang on because they fear losing you. Get your mum to back off by showing her that being an adult doesn’t mean you’re moving away from her, simply that you need her support in a more grown up way.