There’s a man she’s wedded to and there’s the other man with whom she escapes into an extra marital fantasy. What a woman looks for outside her marriage is not always the physical. More than sex, it could be the danger and thrill of infidelity, a romantic dalliance or even pure revenge. Ask any woman who is involved in extra marital affair and that is the answer you would get nine times out of ten. In fact, for many, sex isn’t the reason at all; they rather look for male who would support them through out the bad phases. Therefore, the male has to be one she experiences emotional bonding with and thus sex is not the primary issue. Some of the reasons for having these kinds of affairs:

• Looking for romance: Say psychologists, “a woman bases her actions on emotional rationale rather than the physical. Therefore, unless there is an obvious lack of sexual synchronicity between a woman and her husband or a lack of attraction between the two partners, a woman will not get into an extramarital affair only for sex.” Primary reason, in the Indian context, she feels, is the lack of fulfillment of romantic love. Given the predominance of arranged marriages in Indian society, most women do not have an opportunity to fulfill the emotional romantic urge. More often than not, this urge remains repressed until marriage and motherhood cease to be predominant in their lives, surfacing on an average 7-10 years after marriage.

• Reassuring herself: For many women in their mid thirties, an affair is reiteration of their ability to attract a man. Beauty or attractiveness is an intrinsic measure of a woman’s self worth. Very often, her sense of self is tied up with her attractiveness. After a few years of marriage, when the husband stops the compliments and barely notices the wife’s appearance, another man who does might become an interesting prospect for an affair. According to the experts of human relations, males tend to be opportunistic and have sex out of their marriage because it is available and pleasurable. For women, it is a way of obtaining something better than their mate, someone who may be richer, more powerful, they said.

• Carried away by glamour: There are external and internal factors pulling a woman towards an affair. Internal factors like the need for romance and love, novelty, thrill and excitement as well as the need for an enhanced self-image could be the causes for a woman to move towards a love affair outside of marriage. External factors like boredom in the marital relationship, lack of understanding between spouses, gaps in existing relationship, a desire to punish the partner for an affair or even a cry for attention from the partner could lead to woman choosing to have an extra marital affair. According to experts, affairs are being glamorized by movies and television serials these days. Also, the rise of tabloid journalism, which peeks into and sensationalizes and dalliances of the rich and famous also makes having an affair seem a glamorous and valid life choice.