None can hold a mirror to your life as well as an ideal friend. While transparency nourishes a relationship, truth can sometimes cause irreparable damage. Saying it like it is, may have its long-term consequences on a friendship, but honesty is the best policy. To be loving yet tender, truthful, yet kind, strong yet gentle, is how an ideal friend is defined. These very qualities are perfect for a good friend because basically, these qualities make a good human being and to be good friend you have to be good human being. So here we discuss some dynamics of genuine friendship:

Courageous friendship: Buddhism has the concept of ‘kalyan mitra’, which means a friend who always has your best interests at heart. Such a friend does not hesitate to confront you and has the courage to risk hurting you and spoiling the relationship, but will say and do what is truly best for you. A true friend is one who believes that sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind, much like the surgeon. All of us require a mirror to reflect our true face and what better mirror than an honest friend who always reflects our blemishes clearly to us, comes what way.

Risking your friendship: For instance, one of own friend Parul and her teenage daughter had not been speaking for a year. My friend, being a divorcee, had to look after her daughter single handedly. She also felt that she had raised her daughter well. Sonia her daughter had another story to tell. I had seen Sonia growing up in a dysfunctional family, and witnessed her transition from a sweet and bubbly child to a bitter teenager, when I chanced upon Sonia huddled in  dark corner of a restaurant in an inebriated state, I had a word with Parul. I conveyed my sadness at the grown distance between mother and daughter, and suggested they see a counselor to heal their relationship. This offended parul who said that she was psychology teacher and therefore did not need a counselor to tell her how to live her life. She also asked me to mind my own business and subsequently broke off all contact with me. Soon thereafter, I heard about Sonia, that she left her home and no one knew where she had gone.

Truth liberates: True friends are not afraid to risk a friendship. They may notice discrepancies in the friends and make them aware of them, thus forcefully bringing the latter in touch with their true self and challenging them to make a choice that will have far-reaching consequences. The friend can either choose to make a change for better, or remain the same and probably deteriorate. True friend believe in the liberating influence of and also that even though the truth may be painful to encounter, it frees one from illusions, delusions and misconceptions about one self. A good friend has faith that the truth heals you sooner or later, and that is what gives the kalyan mantra the strength to tell you the truth.

The blessing of a friend: Are you a true friend to others, and do you have a true friend in your life? Is there love in your life?  Do you give it unconditionally, and have you ever had the experience of receiving it from someone unconditionally? If either one or both is true, then you’re blessed. If you have someone in your life who does not want anything from you except your well being and is a true friend to you, then you’re truly blessed; and if you can be such a true friend to those who come your way, if you want nothing from them except their genuine well being and personal growth, then too you are truly blessed.