Taking Care Of Yourself After Divorce

A divorce can harm in many ways. We might have bitter fights. Personality sometimes undergoes complete transformation. The happy-go-lucky person can now be bitter, suspicious, and vengeful. One can suffer from low self-esteem, be depressed and have panic attacks. Emotional trauma related to divorce is almost universal. It affects both partners. It involves an emotional bereavement. Lots of memories remain.  Even a divorce by mutual consent can lead to an upheaval. Divorce affects not just the spouses, but the entire family. Though some may come out of it a stronger person, the scars often take a lifetime to heal.

There is a lot of negativity associated with divorce and the negative mental state generally persists even after the split. Depression and anxiety are some of the common fallouts. In really messy divorces, symptoms of post traumatic stress disorders are seen. Low self-esteem and insecurity are common manifestations of the trauma. There is often a lot of pent-up anger and resentment which could lead to anxiety and insomnia. Sometimes there’s guilt which could result in the shattering of confidence. Tension and headaches are also related to divorce. Divorce can reduce immunity and make you prone to frequent illnesses, aches and pains, and chronic lifestyle diseases including hypertension, diabetes and heart problems.

If two persons can’t live happily together, it is best to part ways. When two partners are realistic enough to let go of an unhappy relationship, no matter who is the victim and who the abuser, it is less traumatic and acrimonious. One spouse invariably needs more help to cope. Separation and divorce are among the highest stressors. They can make you upset and vulnerable to a whole chain of emotional issues, from confusion to defiance. Seek help of the counselor who can put things in perspective.

Both partners need to make an effort. Not everyone can be as magnanimous, but effort pays. Keep yourself busy with no time to sit and brood. Pursue a hobby. If you are not in a job, begin voluntary work. Busy lives manage to deal with trauma better than others and most important do not neglect your social life. Most couples, especially those with kids, tend to get so involved in mundane day-to-day affairs that they find no time to socialize. Meeting with friends or even new people when your divorce is under way can keep your mind off your own troubles.

If you keep cribbing and complaining all the time, things are not going to get better. Acrimony brings nothing but negative consequences. Once you have internalized the reality of separation, raking up emotions that affect mind, body and soul is not worth it. Involving children or make them feel guilty about the divorce Children are the worst hit in any divorce, however amicable. According to Parikh, "Children pay the maximum price. Keep children out of it, and maintain your individual relationships with the child. Never enter a relationship just to get over the break-up. Remember it’s not the end of the world. It is better to live alone than to be with someone with whom you think you can’t live.