Learn from the past experiences of handling divorce settlements, an expert who is also a family counselor in Bangalore, lists out the commandments for couples on the verge of spilt:
• Each partner should make a promise that they will not bad mouth each other to common friends, and will not insult each other’s parents or loved ones. And also, they will not create a scene in any public gatherings in future.
• Close any financial matters before further misunderstandings sets in.
• Acknowledge the good times they’ve had together, the good qualities of each other, and not read hidden meanings in past behavior.
• Agree to sort out any issues that crop up in the future by direct and frank discussion, without allowing a third person to speak on your behalf.
• Be civil if they meet each other in public, and not prevent the other from starting a new relationship.
• Vent out their deepest emotions to a trusted friend or counselor and try to build an attitude that though the relationship failed; it was not because the partner was bad. This helps each one make peace with oneself.
• Resist the urge to rush into another relationship, on the rebound, just to prove a point to the other person.
• Each couple should be willing to introspect on their own contribution to the failure of the relationship, so that they don’t repeat the same mistakes.
• Each partner should work towards forgiving the other’s wrong doings, thus reliving each other of emotional turmoil.
• And if there are children involved, parents need to ensure that:-
- Neither parent will point out the faults of the other to the child, nor use the child to get even or take revenge in any way.
- The parent, having custody will not prevent the other parent from meeting the child.
- They will individually and jointly reinforce to the child that they continue to be his parents and love him unconditionally.
And lastly, we know that divorce is personal and often painful. If you don’t trust a counselor to help you, then I would like to suggest you to go in different paths without making it loudly.