I am a mother of one child and there are times when I want one more and there are times when I feel that one is enough. Many parents of one child feel this way. The only child often reveled in their parent’s full attention. They never had to vie for space on a sofa or a perceived fair share of affection. But some of the only children also desperately wished for the special friendship of a sister or brother, whether that meant an occasional battle or not. Parents who have just one child made their choice, hoping to do the best possible job on one individual, or because they believed this is most responsible in today’s over-populated world.

People often assume that only child in the family are the kids who are spoiled, self-centered, lonely, precocious, socially awkward or unusually mature. No doubt there are some kids like this. But it’s pointless to generalize. Many factors form a child’s personality like genetics, and parenting styles all have a great influence on a developing personality. Many only children agree that they often felt more mature as children since they were alone with adults so much.

Siblings often share many feelings. The reality is that such feelings as love and hate, cooperation and competition, and acceptance or rejection are just the normal currency of most sibling relationships. As a parent, no one should feel like a failure if their kids seem too often is caught between these emotions and experiences. It’s also a natural phenomenon that most young kids will always want all their parents’ attention solely for themselves. This constant competition for fairness can even stay with siblings all their lives. Adults often retain vivid memories of real or imagined slights perpetrated by unwitting parents, who probably tried desperately to balance their time between children.

Children learn a lot about handling conflict through their roles as brothers and sisters. Early on, they must manage compromise, and, also, assertion of their own rights. They learn how to compete or make a point without hostility or aggression. Children with siblings figure out early on that it’s safe to be angry with a person, and then to feel loving again, almost in the same breath. When children talk about how they feel toward brothers and sisters, they often point to a sense of belonging, of always having someone else there, of never being alone. They speak about having someone to share experiences with, to protect them or help them get through the day. They love being part of a special group or tribe united in their dealings with the world.  But again, in the end, these different personalities, family dynamics and a myriad of other factors seem to determine what type of sibling relationships one family might have.

When it comes to children, it’s important to set some basic ground rules and stick with them. For example, hurting another person is never okay be it a sibling or anyone else. An only child or a sibling, in the end, we are all individuals working hard to learn, love and live together in whatever family group.