Experts have long formulation rules for a good marriage largely by studying troubled couples in therapy. Now, increasingly, scientists are exploring how happy couples behave. The result of this, many old ideas about what makes a healthy marriage is being questioned. These include: Do we really have to fight well? Does his silence spell trouble? Do we have to solve every problem? Is divorce the best solution to a bad marriage? If some of these old ways of thinking are obsolete, then what are the new rules for making a marriage thrive? Experts suggest:

• Love your differences: For instance, my friend Aseem and her husband Vicky of Delhi wed 14 years ago, she was in corporate sales and he was a musician. She prizes safety and security; he longs for adventure. A less resilient couple might see such dramatic differences as grounds for divorce. Instead, Aseem and Vicky, who have a ten year old son, support each other’s dreams. When Vicky sailed around the world, Aseem vicariously relived her adventures. And when Aseem’s high wattage job takes her out of town, Vicky supports her career. Paradoxically, it’s their unbridled independence that was held their marriage together.

• Sweat the small stuff: We usually think the strongest marriages are those that survive major traumas, such as bankruptcy or an extramarital affair. But frequently dealing with the little things, those daily annoyances eats away at a marriage. Every couple experiences disappointment as initial romance and passion fade and they discover all their differences. And people think of these differences as problems, but they’re actually opportunities to build marital muscles.

• Laugh: Strong couples also face their differences with humor. They have a sense that ‘God’s not finished with us yet’ and lighten disappointments by laughing at themselves. It’s a trick that will work altogether and you won’t be disappointed while using your humor and turn your arguments into laughs.

• Put your heads together: Couples feel a great power in working together and often develop solutions neither would have thought of alone. For instance, one couple lost their jobs the same week and had three children to feed. They started a home business and now work as a computer consulting team.

• Stay connected: Couples who thrive realize they need to connect with family, friends and community. If you both are working but still you will have to find the time for family. It’s might be biggest challenge for you both to find time. Certain family days are non-negotiable. For instance, you can celebrate each others birthday, anniversary, and make sure to you both take those days off.

• Take a leap of faith: Resilient couples view their marriage as sacred, worthy of sacrifice. It requires a leap of faith to believe this in our age of divorce, but it’s crucial for turning hardship to strength. Because faith gives us the confidence, and it really work out and it always does.

• Relive beautiful moments: What if your marriage is so fraught with conflict that you can’t appreciate each other. To renew the romance, stir embers of positive feelings by focusing on the past.

And by taking these suggestions into consideration, you can make your marriage strong and happy.