Here are some marriage resolutions you can make on this New Year:
• Be your spouse’s biggest fan: Words of praise, especially if they’re offered in front of other people are very important. Unfortunately, most of us are more likely to criticize our spouse in public. Who hasn’t shared a laugh at her partner’s expense? Comedians have built entire careers on spouse bashing humor. But negative comments, even ones with a punch line, can backfire. Experts say if you joke often enough about a man not being romantic, he’ll use that an excuse for not making the effort. But if you keep saying how good your husband is with kids, he’ll want to be good with the kids. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.

• Spend quality time: It’s one of those paradoxes of a relationship: time apart can actually bring you closer together. People in relationship have to retain their identity so they won’t feel smothered. Experts stress this is especially important for couples with young children or life can become too fatiguing.

• Spend quantity time together: Studies show that anything increasing the amount of time you spend together, be it a fancy evening out or just walking the dog will also increase the level of satisfaction in marriage. Ideally you should get out of the house together once a week. If you can’t, make sure you spend every evening just talking. It doesn’t matter what you talk about. Just listen to each other.

• Break the date rut: Whenever my husband and I were lucky enough to make our kids stay at home with their grandmother, we’d run out for a quick dinner and a movie. At first our uncoordinated efforts had us spinning in circles, but eventually our strokes fell into sync and we began moving through the water with relative ease. Because for the next three hours there would be no noise, no distractions of any type, just time together. It turned out be the great days for us. If you can break away from your standard dating routine and explore new activity, your marriage will benefit. Every once in a while you have to bring new energy into your relationship, because new energy stimulates you.

• Be kind: Dating seems to fall by the wayside when children and career start demanding more of your attention. But small acts of kindness fit into any schedules. Let your spouse sleep in some Saturday morning while you take the children out to breakfast. Take on a chore that normally lands on your spouse’s list. And remember to show gratitude when your mate does a kind deed for you.

• Make a five year plan: At the end of each fiscal year, many companies write down goals they will have to achieve in the coming year. Couples can use the same technique to give their lives more direction. A five year plan is a great tool for opening up communication. It’s also a wonderful reassurance for couples that they’re in this marriage for the long haul.

• Put it in writing: A Delhi sales representative was surprised when she received a letter from her husband, a production manager. It was like the ones he used to send me when we were dating. Handwritten on plain notebook paper. Her husband wrote about how he loved falling asleep next to her every night and how he loved the way she looked on Saturday mornings with her hair pulled back with no make up. It’s a great reminder that even through we don’t say it everyday, the feelings we have for each other are still there.

We all have moments when you love your spouse well up inside. Why not take a few minutes to write about it. A letter is like a visual proof of your love. It’s also something you can read again and again, to all the happily married years to come.