Nobody likes admitting it, but money is a major sore point that most couples regularly fight over. Like it or not, money remains a very touchy topic between partners in a relationship. And most of us prefer the easy way out; we either fly into a rage or bury our heads in the sand. Of course, neither approach actually helps get a better handle on the problem, which is a universal one, if that’s any consolation. The cause of all fights about money and finances, the experts would have you know, can be boiled down to one of the two root causes, lack of communication and selfishness.

So what is the lack of communication? For one, if one partner spends money the other had earmarked for something else. Trouble is definitely in store when one partner makes an important financial decision or a large purchase without the consultation or consent of the other. Misunderstandings are bound to occur if the couple is hesitant to enter into financial ideas. Imagine it, one partner does not fully understand a financial concept and the other is not patient enough to have a full discussion on the subject. He may assume that she knows the impact of the decision they just made. And then if something goes wrong, he’s furious because he feels she’s accusing him. Or she may do something that he does not fully understand, and then he gets upset because she did tell him what it was she was doing. All this naturally breaks loose.

Fighting over money may be one of the leading causes of divorce worldwide but now the things are changing radically. Yes, money can be a problem, which tera mera attitude could rear its head but, with both partners working, financial decisions are invariably jointly taken. Even if other partner indulges in a spot of spontaneous expenditure, invariably the couple can afford it. India is a country, where most men still traditionally see themselves as the breadwinners, the providers and the decision makers, some men typical chauvinistic mentalities see finances as solely their domain. Their ego is threatened by a woman who asks questions and they get defensive quickly. However, I’ve noticed there’s a greater chance of a man resenting his wife’s questions about their finances, if she is housewife with no independent source of income. It’s extremely unhealthy situation wherein he treats her little better then a piece of furniture. My maid’s husband, for instance, makes full use of salary and still gives her profuse verbal abuse.

It’s the mentality that matters and attitudes are changing for the better. If both partners are earning, it changes the whole equation. I see my couple friends who’ve take loans in both partner’s name, they share EMI’s, the rent, all the expenditure. So this is obviously a change. When discussion between partners regarding money matters breaks down, the end result is far from healthy. Invariably men feel that his partner is ungrateful and not appreciative of what he does. He probably feels that his partner is ungrateful and not appreciative of what he does. He probably feels she doesn’t trust him to make correct financial decisions. Yet, things don’t out this way. Nobody thinks of this kind of financial matters, when love is fresh and marriage still a novelty. But everything soon changes; love and attraction take a back seat. This is true that men do tend to see themselves as the historical providers, but men should be completely open about their earnings and financial dealings with their wives.

My solution is to be applied when the women is a housewife and the man is the sole breadwinner, after deducting  money for all the expenses, the remaining cash should be equally deposited in their respected accounts and in my opinion this money becomes the woman’s own personal nest egg, which she can utilize the way she wants to. And is the woman is working person herself, then that’s simple; they equally share all their profits, even if she’s earning more.

And if sensitivity towards your partner doesn’t come easy, one final piece of advice: Try talking to your partner as patiently and respectfully as you talk to your boss. That should ensure that your money parleys never degenerate into mud slinging matches.