We all make our marriage vows with the certainty that the husband will not be just spouse, partner and lover but our very own best friend as well. A friend whom you can safely share your deepest longings with, your mistakes, your fears, your desires, your history, in a mutual outpouring of soul secrets. But for most men, whose definition of best friend is rather modest: boys being boys, their best friend is generally guys they can do fun stuff with. Once you realize this vital difference in thinking, things fall into perspective.

If it’s happy and healthy you’re looking for, you’ve got to be wise. And one of the key signs to watch out for is when you and your spouse are simply not friends anymore. There are many couples who drift apart knowing that something is missing in their relationship, something which leaves the relationship cold and cursory. The distance grows sometimes it’s only to be expected hat one or both will seek intimacy in relationships outside the marriage. You yourself smirking that the only time your husband looks really happy is when he’s going out with his friends, it’s time to wake up and make amends. Here are few suggestions to rekindle the friendship that’s practically finished with your spouse:
• Speak to your spouse about the distance you perceive in your relationship. Express your distress at the chasm that has been created.
• Turn back the clock, as it were, and go back to the relationship you shared with each other in the beginning. Spend time together with each other like you did when you were first dating.
• Be a friend first if you want friendship in your marriage. What goes around generally comes around and your love and friendship will draw a similar response from your spouse.
• Resolve any conflicts swept under the carpet. Painful as it to confront and deal with these stumbling blocks arising out of ego, selfishness and pride, it’s absolutely essential to settle them if true intimacy and oneness is to set in.
• Accept and embrace each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
• Reach out to your spouse promptly after a flare up and begin a dialogue about each unresolved issue. Humility is no crime, especially when we’ve all seen the bitter price that pride and stubbornness extract.
• Bring a deeper level of communication into your relationship.
• Watch out for your tone or attitude which could ruin communication.
• Bite your tongue if it’s all set to shower cruel and condemning words in an argument. Harsh words could win an argument, but you could be losing out on your marriage in the long run.
• Stop dominating your conversations, interrupting your spouse, twisting his words and bringing up past failures. It will scuttle any hopes of true companionship.

Acknowledge that being in power struggle with your spouse defeats the very purpose of marriage: oneness. Think of your spouse as a team mate and work on developing a trusting love, in which you mutually submit to each other and display a willingness to listen to and receive from each other.