Human beings are, by nature, communicative and they have an urge or compulsive need to communicate with each other. And at times it is so frustrating when the loved one don’t communicate with you or does not share his/her problems and when the loved one is your child, you tend to feel more helpless when you know there is something troubling your child and yet he/she refuses to talk about it.

You desperately want the child to talk to you so that you can help him/her sort out the problem, but all you get is piece of silence. The more you press the child to express her inner feelings, the less she says. You can’t force an explanation from them. Somehow, though, you have to break down this reluctance to speak and open the channels of communication. Here are some of the most common barriers that can inadvertently block the communication process between parent and child:

1. Physical: Avoid possible distractions, so switch off background music and television. Position the furniture so that your child is beside you, not opposite or on the other side of a table. Do what you can to ensure that there are no interruptions, such as ringing doorbells and telephones. Lastly, make sure that you have privacy, away from other people. Creating a relaxed environment may encourage your child to overcome his reluctance and talk to you more freely.

2. Psychological: If you feel impatient with the child’s silence, don’t let it show. Sit calmly with the child, even though there might be a hundred other activities that require your attention. Try to demonstrate that you treat the child seriously and that you respect his/her concerns.

BREAK THE SILENCE WITH LOVING TOUCH
When your child is reluctant to speak to you, sometimes actions rather than words can break the communication impasse. A loving, physical gesture, such as taking her hand gently in yours, stroking cheek softly or just placing your arm gently round the shoulders can help the child feel more able to express his/her feelings. Don’t be surprised if the child starts crying in response. In some instances, a release of tears like this is necessary before there can be a release of words. Continue to use gentle touch even once the child starts speaking, especially if you feel that this is effective.

Use words to comfort the child and encourage him/her to talk. For instance “You are clearly restless and unsettled. Most children feel that way sometimes. Take as long as you want before you say what you want to tell.” Or “It can’t be easy for you, what with the difficulties you are having with your friends. It might help you to talk to me about it, even for a few minutes.” At times saying the right words will break the silence of your child. And don’t ever break the trust of the child if he confides in you else he won’t tell you ever his problems. Through trial and error, you will discover which strategy works best for your child.