We always face a question, “Why have I lost my patience?” Why this is easy to lose and hard to find more of, yet so important when it comes to dealing with kids. So, to cultivate passion we should practice mindfulness, the art of bringing our full attention to bear on the moment at hand. We often lose this by dawdling six year olds because mentally we’re already sifting through the papers on our desk at work.

What we want to avoid is losing control of the situation and of our emotions. When you lose patience, in all likelihood, it’s because you’re feeling thwarted; that feeling is unpleasant, and danger is carried away by it. But rather than being carried away, we can learn to manage our feelings. Learning to be more patient is partly about adding some skills you can use in the moment when you’re about to lose control. Here are some skills that you can follow in these situations:

• According to a psychology professor, our expectations about behavior can be out of line with what our children are capable of developing mentally. For example, a young child in an itchy suit at a family wedding isn’t going to be able to sit through the after diner speeches happily, if you expect him to. But you end up in a vicious circle of misery. You’ve set yourself up for losing your patience. Instead have a backup, get up and walk with your child to some place to let him change into some comfy outfit.

• Another way we sabotage patience is by poor communication. My cousin has two daughters; she says one of things that used to drive her to the brink was her daughters’ apparent disregard for household order. Tripping over knapsacks in the kitchen all the time made her crazy. She used to lose her patience because she couldn’t believe they didn’t see the problem. But then finally, she put hooks on the kitchen wall. The girls said, ‘you never told us where they go.’ A small thing, but it made all the difference.

• Another way is to think ahead. For example, if your child needed lot more time to eat his breakfast, so instead of losing your patience, you would rather get up earlier than get angry. Sometimes you can take toast with you rather than getting frustrated.

• If you tend to react in the moment, you can easily be carried away by frustration. You may have learned to recognize the signs that you’re losing it, and calm yourself. A pause or a break is the first line of defense when this happens. After a break, you can return to the situation with a clear head and a reasoned response. With older kids, this type of strategy is more useful. Therefore, stay cool.

• Your and your child’s temperament can make being patient more challenging. While it’s certainly more challenging, parents can learn to stay in control even when temperament ups the emotional intensity. You have to acknowledge that volatility is a problem, and then figure out where it’s coming from. Experts say, the bottom line is understanding that you can change your behavior, but that takes time and practice, so you still need those in the moment strategies like walking away.

• Of course it’s impossible to be patient all the time, and trying to cover real frustration with a veneer of calm doesn’t serve your kids. An expert says, it’s ok for the kids to know that you’re irritated by their behavior. But how you express that irritation is what teaches your kids about managing their own feelings and relationships.

We as parents have a lot of power in our relationships with our kids, power that can be abused. But if we’re impatient with others, they are more likely to call us on it.