To be a friend or to go all parenty and stern that is a dilemma most parents face all through their lives. Usually, we fluctuate between being too nice ad overfriendly, and being a stern disciplinarian and the voice of no reason. Being a best friend and a parent means listening, communicating, sharing information, trusting and being supportive. It also means being authoritative when necessary and teaching children about values.
Be ready to change: When children are small, we are responsible for their physical and emotional needs. As they grow older, the equation changes and the relationship becomes more one of equals. To ensure that a healthy and friendly relationship evolves with time requires effort. Setting clear ground rules and being flexible when it comes to their happiness and well being helps in striking the right balance. Children need to have routine, guidelines and consistency in their daily life. It make s them feel more secure and in control. Experts say, as parents, it’s our duty to enforce discipline, for instance there should be no compromise on studies. Discipline must be enforced gently but firmly. As children grow older, parents need to revise rules and at the same time, be more open to negotiation. Consistency between both parents is an absolute must; children are very smart, and they learn to play off one parent against the other when parents are in conflict.
Communication is the key: Keeping channels of communication open is the best way to balanced parenting. Children should be encouraged to discuss anything under the sun with their parents. Communication is a part of friendly parenting, as friends, we must learn to listen, to share activities and play with them. Children should also be able to trust us and share their problems with us, they must feel that their parents are accessible and are there for them.
Share life: Children need to feel their parents are there for them, no matter what. Sharing activities is a great way to bond and spend quality time together. A stronger bond helps in balancing the friend-parent tight rope. Social exposure and play are also musts in the all round development of children.
Be firm with values: Instilling values, being understanding and respecting children’s confidences are important. For instance, my personal experience shows me, as I grew up in joint family and we imbibed values naturally, where as today, in nuclear families, a conscious effort has to be made to instill ‘sanskaras’.
Establish boundaries: Emotional and psychological support is another factor that needs to be taken care of by parents. A positive attitude, humor and open lines of communication go a long way in balancing both roles with ease. Because being a good friend and a good parent cannot be de-linked. When you are friends with your child, parenting becomes that much simpler. At the same time, one must establish clear boundaries and not spoil them.