It is always a classic scene- the kid is tugging on his parent’s leg in a shop, begging for a chocolate or the toy, while the adult is keen to purchase something more useful or nutritious. But in the end, the parents easily give in and child gets rewarded for whining. At this moment, a lot of parents surrender. But such expedient parenting decisions signal much bigger problem, a problem that indicates that we’re doing a lousy job raising kids these days. These failings apply even to children ageing five to twelve years, when kids are considered adorable. Many say they know what the problem is: parents fail to do a good job instilling discipline. According to experts, the most fundamental problem is parents’ lack of involvement in their kids’ lives. Another part of it is that it’s better to be your child’s friend than his dictator.

The child’s centered ethic has become a justification for every sort of over-indulgent practice. A growing number of experts advocate another approach that emphasizes both sensitivity and stricture. They explain, children require regular doses of what we call Vitamin N (it’s the most character building two letter words in the English language).
 Here’s what parents should do to raise confident, responsible children:

• A child needs a leader not a buddy. Too often these days, a parent shares fears or problems with a child, just as one might unburden oneself to a friend. So, experts say-stop thinking that you are supposed to be your child’s friend. Being a parent means setting limits and making rules.

• One is always tempted to do the quick fix, especially when kids are young. Instead of teaching a kid to make the bed, and going through the foot dragging, it’s easier for the parent to do it. Put off the chores, a lot of us reckon, until they’re older and it isn’t so hard to persuade them. Because if you wait, you’re going to face more resistance. One of the worst scenarios is when parents are permissive, then suddenly clamp down. The result of this flip flop is an outraged and confused child. What’s required is consistent authority. Explaining is good, negotiating a problem. Most experts warn not to give in to the kid because that puts the child in control, rather than the parent.

• Parents may love their kids, but they’re busy with work, with their own activities. A growing number of experts are convinced that quality time has been oversold. They think, kids who spend more time with their parents do better. Teens appreciate the quality time.

• Just about every parent and teacher is convinced that building self esteem is the answer to all childhood problems. But many experts think that self esteem has lost its meaning. Experts say we need to praise genuine achievements. Studies show that real self esteem comes from achieving some thing challenging. If you protect your kids too much, they’ll never develop the ability to overcome problems.

• Parents are shocked by the language and sexual knowledge exhibited by their young children. Where’s that coming from? Maybe from a school chum, but count on this: Indirectly it is coming from the media. The tragedy is that popular culture has superseded the family, school and religion in providing sex education to our children. The traditional values of adults are undermined. Some parents encourage computer games as alternatives to television. What’s the answer? Get tough. Experts advice that children should not watch more than two hours of TV a day and should be monitored by parents while watching the same.

• The most important thing parents can do to help their kids grow up well adjusted is to stay together. Because nothing else even comes close!