Experts say, the way we resolve conflicts with our kids teaches them how to argue with others, now and in the future. The scary news is that bad fighting habits can set your kids up for more serious problems. Kids who don’t learn to resolve conflicts at home tend to get into more trouble as adolescents, says professor of psychology who recently conducted a study on parent child conflict resolution. She found that if parents flew off the handle or avoided conflict; their kids couldn’t solve disagreements well with peers or adults. What’s more, these kids are more likely to lie, cheat or fight in school and to experiment with alcohol; sex and drugs at an earlier age and their marks suffer, too.

Although the study focused on teenagers, but the experts believe the findings apply to younger children as well. Experts identified the following conflict-resolution styles in their study:

• Acting as a friend: Some of us are simply too nice when it comes to arguing with our kids. Many parents don’t want to hurt their child’s feelings and they don’t want to hear the child say, ‘I hate you.’ My own experience shows that I never questioned my father’s authority, even though he never spanked me, but he was very stern and I was a little afraid of him. But I want my kids to feel like they can come to me with anything. But I sometimes give in to my kids during confrontations because I hate making them unhappy, and I’m afraid being too authoritarian will ruin my bond with them. But then experts say, giving in too often can turn your little cutie into a disobedient, manipulative kid who becomes a self centered adult. So to cool your pushover impulses, remember that kids need to have rules and expectations set down for them. And get comfortable with just saying no.

• Act as a conflict avoider: Conflict avoiders are also quick to place blame for their children’s mistakes on others, (teachers, say, or their kid’s friends) while ignoring the real issues. Most of the parents, when their kids are in argument mood, they’ll just stop the conversation or you can say they rather drop the issue than get into a shouting match. While you don’t want to go nine rounds with your child, denial isn’t a great alternative. They may grow up into an adult who can’t handle disagreements because confrontation feels so wrong to them. Another reason to get problems out in the open is that if you ignore conflict, it’ll fester and come back to haunt you.

• Act as a screamer: This parent yells as they browbeat their child into submission, sometimes adding blame, threat or insults to the mix. Although most of us recognize this as less than desirable parenting, we all have our moments. Kids of screamers can become equally overbearing with their own friends or disappear into a shell to avoid conflict. To put an end to your yelling, think about what’s really behind your tirades so you’ll be less likely to take your frustration out on your child. And when your kid is pushing all your buttons, walk away and cool down before continuing the discussion.

• Act as compromiser: Parents who compromise with their kids raise mediators, according to research. When you compromise with your child, he’ll learn how to look at things from both perspectives and solve problems. Instead of bickering, ask your son for suggestions. And then compromise. What is a parent’s biggest mistake when compromising? Believing they must cave on every issue. Don’t relinquish your power. Instead, establish parameters for what you’ll and won’t bend on.

• Act as a director: Parents who were the best conflict revolvers used a technique expert’s call “directive” by clearly spelling out the consequences of a child’s action in a calm, non threatening way and not backing down. This is when the parent acts like the parent, they give ‘if you don’t do this, I will do this’ scenarios. To become more directive, be as specific as possible. The clearer the expectations, the more likely your child will do what you ask.

The pay off for becoming directive parent is that when kids are given choices with clear consequences, they’re likely to become good decision makers as well as independent and self-sufficient adults who are capable of handling conflict throughout their lives.