Mice guy:
He slinks in through the door. He spots a pillar or a post, anything to hide him somewhat. The darkness gives him some relief. This guy is focused. He wants to pocket at least one smile from any of the hot ladies and if things go really well, may be actually brush against one and not be reprimanded for spilling her screwdriver. Don’t mistake him for a novice though. He has done it a zillion times before. He prepares well. He has practiced his moves, and knows how to navigate the dance floor through the crush of bodies. He beats around bushes and skirts in search of that elusive conversation that might end in a smile and a phone number. So what should be your stand if your man spills your drink? I suggest you allow him to help you with his branded handkerchief and buy you a drink. You may want to tell him that you are with someone but would be very interested to catch up. And then do slip him your worst enemy’s number.

Army men:
This is the type who heads straight for the bar and parks himself on the right hand corner stool. He reconnoiters the scene and marks his target. He reconnoiters the scene and marks his target. After reaching, sufficiently elevated mood levels, he steps on to the battlefield. Moving steadily, he homes in on target one. Typically the army man is a conservative one and is not one to twirl his lefty feet. He jiggies and wiggies a bit, leaning in with a killer smile and an obnoxiously flirty comment. Depending upon the number of gimlets you have downed and your general appetite for risk, you will either let loose a string of pearly laughs with your head thrown back or stamp on his feet and haughtily turn away. If you stick with the flirty, pearly laughter, then at some point around now, you will find your head ensconced on a strong rippled arm and hurtling towards a kiss. If you don’t, you can expect the army men to plow on determinedly towards target two, who has been under constant corner of eye surveillance.

The talker:
This one is difficult to spot from a distance. He is usually not unfortunate looking, has a body that passes for medium attractive and can dance without maiming you for life. Sounds like the kind you would want to hang out with. You actually can, if you think monologues are the essence of life, earth and universe. In response to everything that he says, start with long winded sentences that are about you. It has the same effect that salt has on leeches.

‘Wakau’ guy:
You will find absolutely no difficulty in identifying the wakau guy. He makes it his business to be noticed. Scarlet jacket, pink stripped straight gelled hair; he has a look at me signboard with neon flashing all over him. If you are bored and have only a drink for the company, the wakau is good entertainment.

The snob:
Liable to make your knees go weak at first sight, but comes with a dozen caveat emptor. He knows he is being ogled at and enjoys it thoroughly. Unless you are a diva yourself, don’t make the mistake of approaching him with a hang dog expression. So the safest bet is to keep the distance.

The dream guy:
He is really the guy you wouldn’t notice. He shakes a leg, smiles nicely, jostles in the line for a drink and has a stupid smile when he finds you have caught him staring at you. Makes meeting the others almost worth it.